Confession #1

Confession #1: I hate the word "skinny". It's what I am called and therefore it is a catchy title for my blog. Let me explain....

I'm one of those guys who you could say is "skinny". It's a word I often hear used by other people to describe me, so to some extent it must be true.  I, however, prefer the word "hardgainer".  I can eat pretty much whatever and don't have anything to show for it later...I struggle to put on weight.  Oh so many of you are coveting what I have right now! - go ahead you can have it. For someone who struggles with self esteem and positive self image I believe it's just as hard to be "skinny" as it is for someone who struggles to lose weight.

Let me keep confessing.  I'm not fat, have never been fat, so I can't relate to a "hardloser" person's mindset, thinking, or feelings but I think they would be pretty similar to a "hardgainer", just opposite. That's an oxymoron you're probably thinking...keep reading, you'll understand in a minute or two as to what I'm getting at.  Typically in our society we don't run around calling a heavy person "fat" because it hurts their feelings, is rude, and is disrespectful. We don't say "you should cut a chunk of fat off those bones" or "man, you really need to stop eating." Those words would slash into a person's heart even if they didn't show it on the outside. So what makes it okay to use the word skinny? For someone who has been heavy but has lost a lot of weight, sure maybe it is okay to tell them they are looking skinny (I have a differing opinion in this case as well). But for someone who has always been thin, wouldn't calling them "skinny" be the same as calling a heavy person "fat".  It's okay to tell a "skinny" person "you need to add some meat to those bones" or "Dude, you really need to eat more and gain some weight".  So why is one so acceptable and the other not? Because I'm here to let you know that I'm living proof that the skinny jokes and comments slash a person's heart too.

More confession. I hate it when someone one calls me skinny or makes a lightweight or skinny joke.  It infuriates me. It affects me at my core, rips me apart. But I don't show it on the outside, the person would never know how it made me feel, mostly because, I guess, I'm not confident enough to stand up for myself. I've been on a journey for a couple of years now to put on some weight to try to stop the skinny jokes.  I'm 6'1'' and when I first started I weighed about 150 lbs, I've put on about 15 lbs since then.  You see, I won't put on just any kind of pounds, I'm dedicated to staying fit and healthy so I'm not just putting on fat, I'm trying to gain weight by putting on muscle mass. I'm right around 165 lbs now.  I've plateaued and have even regressed a little bit this past year after my son was born because 1) it became much more difficult to stay in the same routine 2) I lost some of my motivation and 3) I got to a point where I was so busy I realized that I wasn't even eating, I was missing meals without realizing it.

I've been hearing "skinny" thrown out more recently to describe me and have even been in the brunt of some "get more meat on your bones" jokes, which has boosted my motivation to get back on track to getting to my goal weight (185 to 190 lbs) by adding on muscle mass.  So my blog, this blog, will have my stories, my confessions along the way. You will hear about my progress. You will hear about my failures. I'll confess my challenges, my goals, my achievements, my shortcomings, my obstacles, my programs, my techniques.  You will get my real raw thoughts. You will get me, all 165 skinny pounds and counting.